Things that you would never see in NGE
by capt. n
Summary: Just a list that I thought up when I was supposed to be working. I hope you like it. Please R
1. Chapter 1

A Nautilus Production.

By Capt. Nemo

Okay folks, I was inspired to write this after reading another fanfic like this. So here it is.

Things that you would NEVER see in NGE

I don't own any of this.

Gendo: I love you son.

Shinji: I love you father

(Both embrace each other in a hug and start to cry)

brake

(During EoE, Assult on NERV)

Maya: I don't want to die a virgin.

brake

Inside NERV

Kaji: I love you Asuka.

Asuka: Get away form me you man slut!

(Asuka procedes to kick Kaji in the balls.)

brake

Akagi: Gendo, because of you, I have decided to become a lesbian.

Gendo: But, Why?

Akagi: Because Maya's better then you.

Gendo: NNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

brake

The apartment

Asuka: Shinji

Shinji: Asuka

Both start makeing out on the floor while Misato waves victory fans.

brake

Control Room

Maya: Commander, Eva'a 01 and 02 have gone berserk.

Gendo: What are they doing?

Maya: They seem to be playing chess with the techs.

Gendo: Start a betting pool and put me down for fifty dollers on 01.

Bridge crew blinks in shock.

Gendo: Nobody beats her in chess.

brake

(During EoE, Assult on NERV)

Maya: Say hello to my little friend.

Pulls out Minnie gun and hoses the JSSDF troops.

brake

Misato: I think I'll drive the speed limit today.

Shinji finds him self infront on the crucified Lilith

Lilith: Shinji, I am your mother.

Shinji: WHAT????

Lilith: Its true, Yui Ikari was my human form, and that makes Rei your full sister.

Shinji: Does this mean that I'm an angle?

Lilith/Yui: Yes it does, now I will teach you how to use your new found abilities.

brake

Gendo: It is almost time to take me to my Yui's side.

Rei: No

Gendo: WHY?

Rei: Because I don't like you.

brake

Misato: I think I'll give up on drinking

brake

Akagi: Maya, my love

Maya: I'm sorry Dr. Akagi, but I dont swing that way.

brake

The Apartment

Shinji: I have enough of this, you two can clean up yourselves. I am sick and tired of cleaning this place up, only have you two destroy it again.

Misato and Asuka just stand there, Shocked.

brake

Rei: Gendo You A-Hole

Everyone stares in shock

brake

Command Bridge

Misato: Shinji, what are you doing?

Shinji: I found a way to avoid turning in that 150 page essay on second impact thats due tomorrow.

Misato: So thats why your destroying the school.

Asuka: Hey, save some for me.

End

Okay folks, Thats it for today. I wrote this in a span of about 3 hours. I'll try to have some more later on.

Until next time

Keep your stick on the ice.


	2. Chapter 2

A Nautilus Production.

By Capt. Nemo

Okay folks, here is the second part.

1:

Dr. Akagi: Misato, why are you wearing that?

Misato: I lost a bet with Shinji.

Dr Akagi: What was the bet?

Misato: That I could go a day with out drinking, and if I couldn't, I would wear this.

Dr Akagi: I have to admit that you look good in a bunny suit.

2:

Shinji: Piloting 01 KAA MEE HAA MEE

Unit 01: ...I'm, sorry no.

Shinji: Darn.

3:

Gendo: What are you reading Rei?

Rei: The karma sutra and seducing giant macha pilots with mental issues for dummies.

4:

Misato: Hey Rits, I've got a question.

Dr. Akagi: Sure, what is it?

Misato: Do you ever feel that we're a cartoon?

Dr Akagi: Accually, we are. I had the MAGI look into it. Apperantly we are the creations of Hideki Anno.

Misato: WHAT?

Dr Akagi:I'm just kidding.

Misato: That's good.

Dr Akagi: Or am I?

5:

Announcer: And the winner of the winner of the NERV beauty contest is...Maya Ibuki.

6:

Dr Akagi: Kaji, how did you manage to hack the MAGI?

Kaji: I bought ths book off pulls a book a book out and hands it to Dr. Akagi.

Dr Akagi: Hacking the MAGI for dummies?

Kaji: You can get anything from there.

6:

Yui: Gendo my love.

Gendo: Get away from me.

7:

Dr. Akagi: Shinji, I have to tell you something.

Shinji: Oh, what is it?

Dr. Akagi: Gendo is not your father.

Shinj: He's not, then who is?

Dr. Akagi: You see, my father has an affair with you mother, and you can out of that affair.

Shinji: Are you saying that you're my sister?

Dr. Akagi: Yes Shinji, I am you sister.

8:

Shinji: Banged Misato, banged Dr. Akagi, banged Maya, banged Rei, banged Asuka five minutes ago, and now to bang Hikari.

9:

Misato: I'm bored

Asuka: So am I.

Shinji: I know what we can do.

Miasto: Oh really, what can we do.

Shinji: Lets invite Maya, Kaji, Dr. Akagi, and Hikari over and play some strip poker.

10:

Inside the Eva, after the 14th angel

Shinji: Whats going on here?

Yui: Shinji, what are you doing here?

Shinji: My eva went berserk and I ended up here, but how did you get here, I thought you where dead.

Yui: Well I'm not dead. I'll explain later, so lets have a party.

Shinji: A party. but there's nothing here! How can we have a party?

Yui: Thats easy, just think of anything that you want and it will appear.

Shinji: Anything?

Yui: Yup, anything form icecream to a hearm of horny Asuka's and Rei's.

END

Okay folks, thats that installment. I know that people don't like the script formate, but I can't think of any other way to this.

If any one wants to make a fic out of these, go right on ahead.\

Untill next time

Keep your stick on the ice.


End file.
